Photographer Richard Mayer doesn’t hesitate when asked what lifecycle event he most enjoys shooting.
“Bar and bat mitzvahs — hands down,” said the Burlingame resident. “I like shooting b’nai mitzvah because it really is a celebration of the whole family. With weddings, it’s kind of like the breaking up of a family, with one unit moving on to form their own identities. But with bar and bat mitzvahs, the grandparents are often still there to witness it, and I make sure to take plenty of intergenerational shots.
“It’s really the high point of Jewish family life.”
Mayer, who has been shooting b’nai mitzvah for over 20 years, estimates that roughly half his business involves taking pictures of the Jewish rites of passage. The photographer, noting that his two teenage daughters have “wonderful foundations in Judaism” and attend Burlingame’s Reform Peninsula Temple Sholom, has practiced Judaism for over 30 years. He converted to the faith shortly after traveling to Israel.
“I had the dark hair and beard, and everyone was speaking Hebrew to me, so I decided to go all the way,” joked Mayer. “But on a more serious note, I think shooting a bar mitzvah successfully really requires a good base knowledge of Jewish rituals — whereas that’s not necessarily the case with Jewish weddings.”
Photographer Joyce Goldschmid agrees, saying that shooting b’nai mitzvah is “really like being invited into a family’s life, and oftentimes, staying on as a friend.”
Generally, the experience is overwhelmingly positive, she said. “You could give me a bat mitzvah to shoot anytime.”
However, there are many nuances and sensitivities to consider when shooting the ritual, she said, and it helps to not only be well-versed in Judaism, but also in the particular family’s background.
For instance, “not everyone thinks to bring a non-Jewish family member up to the bimah,” said the Redwood City resident, who photographs over 100 of the events per year. “It can be a very awkward time for non-Jewish family members if there’s no effort to get them involved in the rituals. During the ‘Prayer for Peace,’ for example, I try to get shots of the non-Jewish family members reciting verses.”
The importance of such inclusiveness was driven home when Goldschmid’s own brothers (who are not Jewish) weren’t featured in the photos of her daughter’s bat mitzvah.
“I definitely learned my lesson” from that photographer’s gaffe, she said with a chuckle.
Both Goldschmid and Mayer have experienced many memorable b’nai mitzvah moments over the years. Mayer, who has witnessed a bar or bat mitzvah enter a room by jumping through hoops or riding on a DJ’s shoulders, cites a far less-theatrical celebration, however, as one of the most moving. That involved the bat mitzvah of a mentally handicapped child who had been turned down for the ceremony by a local synagogue, before “being greeted with open arms” by Peninsula Temple Sholom.
“You could tell how much that child loved the Torah by the expression on her face, and by how tightly she gripped the Torah,” said Mayer. “Her parents were just beaming, and you couldn’t help feeling pride along with them.”
Among the more unusual bar mitzvahs recalled by Goldschmid was the one where the guest of honor fainted. Goldschmid was shooting a bar mitzvah at Saratoga’s Camp Swig during a sweltering summer afternoon when the bar mitzvah boy, whom she described as being “well over 6 feet” tall, took off his suit jacket and tie and then got a strange look on his face.
“Right before he fainted, I caught the mother’s eye just before she realized what was happening,” said Goldschmid. “But the kid bounced back up, and cracked a few jokes and everything was fine.”
In fact, Goldschmid could relate to the teen’s dilemma. During her own bat mitzvah ceremony as an adult, held at Redwood City’s Conservative Temple Beth Jacob, the photographer was anything but cool, calm and collected.
“I was absolutely petrified,” said Goldschmid, laughing at the memory. “The only person I could even look at was the cantor.”