Though the staffers of Shalom Bayit deal with tragedy every day, on Sunday night, May 15, they plan to party hearty.
And with good reason. The region’s only center dedicated to Jewish victims of domestic violence, Shalom Bayit turns 13 this year. To mark the “bat mitzvah,” the agency will throw itself a soiree called “Sweetness & Strength.”
To be held at San Francisco’s Sur La Table (the Xanadu of gourmet kitchenware stores), “Sweetness & Strength” features an appearance by Alice Medrich, one of the Bay Area’s best-known chocolate mavens. She’ll be working with the sweet stuff in a cooking demonstration.
The reception immediately following will give attendees a chance to sample savory dishes from various Bay Area restaurants and caterers and raise funds for Shalom Bayit with an auction of donated prizes.
But the main event promises to be deeply affecting, says Naomi Tucker, Shalom Bayit’s executive director.
“We have teens involved with ‘Love Shouldn’t Hurt,’ our teen violence-prevention program,” she says. “They have written speeches about domestic violence. Some have collected tzedakkah or donated their bar/bat mitzvah money. Then parents and teens will pledge to live a life free of violence. It’s incredible to see 13- and 16-year-olds have such a desire to contribute.”
Teaching a new generation of Jews about domestic violence is one of Tucker’s passions and part of the mission of Shalom Bayit. Named after the Hebrew expression meaning “peace in the home,” Shalom Bayit has drawn attention to a terrible secret: The Jewish community is not immune to the scourge of domestic violence.
“Nobody was talking about this issue in the Jewish community,” she says. “We needed to raise awareness.” Tucker, an experienced crisis counselor, along with a few colleagues launched what was at first a small-scale program at the Jewish Community Center of San Francisco in 1992.
Over the years, Shalom Bayit grew from an all-volunteer task force to a well-funded program serving 60 battered Jewish women every year. The teen program, launched in 2002, reaches more than 1,000 teens and youth leaders.
“We go into synagogues, day schools and camps,” notes Tucker. “There we do workshops on healthy and unhealthy relationships. We also have programs for parents and Jewish educators. When kids want to talk about this, the adults in their lives need to know how to respond.”
Tucker says the agency has thrived, but in many ways it’s been an uphill battle. That’s because of seemingly ingrained Jewish resistance to acknowledging the problem. No one knows precisely why, but Tucker has her own theories.
“The strength of the family has been the key to Jewish survival for thousands of years,” she says, “so the home is the one sacred place that kept the community alive. It’s difficult to imagine our families are not immune from the other issues that plague non-Jewish families. When a woman comes forward to say she’s been abused, it’s hard to believe.”
Yet Tucker and her colleagues made inroads by bringing in Jewish ritual when helping battered women. In addition to helping women find shelters, Shalom Bayit offers spiritual healing through programs with the Bay Area Jewish Healing Center and holiday-based programs so clients “can find meaning,” Tucker says. “Rather than talk about domestic violence from an intellectual perspective, we integrate the spiritual life of the community.”
Tucker is looking forward to the fun and feasting at the “Sweetness & Strength” party, but she is quick to acknowledge the real meaning of the event. “As we broke the silence,” she says of Shalom Bayit, “women began to come forward and say ‘I’m so grateful someone’s talking about this.'”
“Sweetness & Strength” takes place 6 p.m. Sunday, May 15, at Sur La Table, 77 Maiden Lane, S.F. Information: (510) 839-3100.