In the late 1960s, when Linda C. Kramer was a public health nurse in Philadelphia, she discovered elderly men and women confined to their beds, lying in their own filth, nearly starving to death because no one was cleaning or feeding them properly.
“The families of these elders were keeping their parents or grandparents barely alive, with no quality of life, only to continue to collect the older person’s Social Security or welfare checks,” says Kramer, whose desire to advocate for the elderly led her to become an attorney specializing in elder law and estate planning.
“I know these situations still exist today. The primary difference is that now we have laws to protect the frail elderly.”
Last year, Kramer, who lives in Los Altos, attended a Santa Clara County program on the role of faith communities in responding to the mistreatment and neglect of elders. Among 200-some attendees, Kramer was one of just two Jews.
Concerned about the need for the Jewish community to address such issues, she spoke to Rabbi Janet Marder at Congregation Beth Am in Los Altos Hills, where she is a member. On Tuesday, March 2, Beth Am will host “The Jewish Response to Elder Abuse and Neglect: Shedding Light on a Critical Community Issue.” The free community event is sponsored by Beth Am Women.
Kramer will moderate a panel that includes Marder; Judge Mary
Ann Grilli of the Santa Clara County Family Court and a Beth Am member; Lettie Ordone of the Santa Clara County Adult Protective Services; Donald Moody of the Santa Clara County Public Guardian/Conservator’s Office; and Kimberly Conners of the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s Office.
When Kramer graduated from law school 23 years ago, she found that “it was politically correct to be a child advocate, but there were very few advocates for the elderly. I decided I wanted to do what I could to support older adults and to protect them when they became vulnerable.
“It may also have been a self-serving action — after all, I’m getting older myself and want systems in place to protect me.”
“One of my clients,” she recalls, “told me that her son, his girlfriend and their teenage son moved in with her, saying that they wanted to help her. They then proceeded to relegate her to a small back bedroom, where she was forced to live while they took over the house. She could only come out for meals and to go to the bathroom. They verbally abused her on a regular basis, saying she was stupid and old and crazy.”
Her client refused to ask for help. She was afraid to get the police or Adult Protective Services involved for fear that she would never see him again.
“Therein lies one of the problems in helping the frail elderly,” Kramer says. “They are held captive by their own physical and often mental incapacities. They most often have only their families to relate to, and if they do not have families, they are prone to seek comfort by so-called friends who only want to take advantage of them.”
The other problem, she says, is that those younger people are often in denial about how much help their elders need.
Kramer spoke to an adult son who believed he was taking good care of his 85-year-old mother by taking her grocery shopping every week. He spent an hour driving to his mother’s home and another two hours with her in the store, because she moved so slowly. Kramer asked whether he helped his mother unload the groceries. He replied that he assumed she could do that on her own.
“He never took the time to actually go inside his mother’s house,” Kramer says. “He certainly wasn’t abusive, but it was neglectful.”
Honoring our mothers and fathers is “a Jewish obligation,” says Kramer, an obligation that becomes more significant as parents and their children grow older. As a result, many synagogues members and clergy routinely visit the sick and elderly.
“The Jewish Response to Elder Abuse and Neglect: Shedding Light on a Critical Community Issue” takes place at 7 p.m. Tuesday, March 2, at Congregation Beth Am, 26790 Arastradero Road, Los Altos Hills. For information, contact Linda C. Kramer at (650) 941-8600.