Bethany Salomon knows her 79-year-old mother wants to spend time with the youngest members of their family.
So Salomon does what she can to ensure that her mother, Mary Chaitoff, is prepared when her 7-year-old great-granddaughter, Macaela, comes to visit. The two women bought special toys for Macaela to keep at Chaitoff’s home in Pepper Pike, Ohio. They look for TV shows or videos they can enjoy together. And they plan day trips to Cleveland to visit museums.
“There’s a very strong bond,” said Salomon, 58, also of Pepper Pike. “They have their own set of things they do together. They learn from one another. They modify themselves for one another.”
With Americans living longer than ever before, many children now have the opportunity to know their great-grandparents. It’s a relationship, however, that other family members can help along; the very young and the very old often are wary of each other. Great-grandparents may worry that youngsters will break something or disrupt their household. Children might be put off by an older person’s wheelchair, smell or frailness.
Grandparents and parents can be a good go-between. With a bit of planning, it’s possible to make the encounters enjoyable for everyone.
Chaitoff, a relatively young great-grandmother, said spending time with Macaela has revitalized her and her husband, Harold, who are retired.
“I feel like we’ve emerged,” she said. “We’re back to feeling like we’re doing something worthwhile. But we’re getting more than we’re giving.”
Before getting the oldest and youngest generations together, engage in some “casual planning,” recom- mended Robin Hewitt, who wrote “The Joyous Gift of Grandparenting” with her husband, Doug.
Having a few activities ready will give the visit some structure and keep children from getting restless.
The schedule might include playing video games, looking at old photos or giving everyone a disposable camera to take family portraits. Don’t worry if the great-grandparents have never picked up a joystick. The kids will be excited to show them how to play. Then let the great-grandparents teach everyone a card game.
When the youngest and oldest members of the family exchange knowledge, it builds respect and affection.
Ask children to demonstrate a few ballet steps, perform a gymnastics routine or recite their multiplication tables, said Doug Hewitt.
“Kids love to show off,” he said. “Praise them, no matter how they do.”
The Hewitts also encourage families to foster conversation by having great-grandparents tell stories and encouraging them to ask youngsters open-ended questions.
“If great-grandma was calling to ask me what I ran in my high hurdle race, I’d love to talk about that,” said Brian Wolf, who gives seminars under the nickname “The Grandparent Coach.”
Help great-grandparents reinforce what they have in common with children, he added. If the child is upset about an error made on the ball field, ask the great-grandparents about the time they might have lost the big game. “It creates common denominators,” he said. It says, “I am like you.”
Wolf also advises great-grandparents to pick one skill or interest that they’d like to pass on.
“Make your wishes known,” he said. “Say, ‘I’m the grandma in charge of teaching the kids how to cook, bake or use the computer.’ ”