Tooth or consequences
Every day for 30 years, Moishe ate at Abe’s Kosher Delicatessen. Ol’ Moishe was an honored guest and had his own reserved stool at the counter. He was loved by everyone and was generous to all the servers and staff.
Abe, the owner, loved Moishe, too. One day Moishe didn’t show at his regular time. Abe was worried a bit as he realized Moishe was a widower and lived alone, but then he got busy and forgot about Moishe’s absence.
The next day, no Moishe. Now Abe was worried. He phoned Moishe’s number and got no answer. He even called a few local hospitals to no avail. Abe had trouble sleeping that night wondering what had happened.
Next day, again no Moishe. Now Abe was really concerned, and just as he was about to call the police, he glanced out the window and saw Moishe going into Goldberg’s Deli across the street.
Abe took off out the door and raced across the street, narrowly missing getting hit by a bus, and confronted Moishe just as he was sitting down. “Where the heck have you been?” Abe bellowed. “I lost sleep and spent good money phoning around about you. And what are you doing here at Goldberg’s? You know he’s my worst enemy! Explain this to me, Moishe.”
Moishe looked at Abe and said calmly, “Settle down Abraham, settle down. You’ll be having a heart attack. I’ll be telling you what happened, OK. I went to the dentist three days ago and had one of those root canals. Oy, the pain. Anyway, the dentist gives me some pills and says ‘Moishe, for a few days, eat on the other side.’ ”
Open letter to Egypt
Dear Egypt,
Please don’t destroy the pyramids. We won’t rebuild.
Signed, the Jews