Handle with care
A memorial service is being held at Sol Levinson and Sons funeral home for Mrs. Greenberg, who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that Mrs. Greenberg is actually alive! She lives for 10 more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket toward the door, Mr. Greenberg, the husband, cries out, “Watch that wall!”
Teeth don’t fail me now
In 1936, dentist Morris Rabinowitz fled his native Germany. He sold his assets and made five sets of solid gold teeth with his cash, well above the limit he could bring into the United States.
When he arrived in New York , the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have five sets of gold teeth So Morris explained, “Jews who keep kosher have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy, products, but I am so religious I also have separate sets of teeth.”
The customs official shook his head and said, “Well, that accounts for two sets of teeth. But what about the other three?”
Morris replied, “Very religious Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so Orthodox that I have separate teeth for Passover meat and Passover dairy food.”
The customs official shook his head and said, “OK, that accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth?”
Morris looked around, bent in toward the officer and spoke softly. “To tell you the truth,” he said, “once in a while I like a ham sandwich.”
More Jewish haikus
On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our dog is gone.
Today I am a man.
On Monday I will return
to the seventh grade.
Sorry I’m not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.
Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I’ve done?
Quietly murmured
during Yom Kippur mincha:
Giants 5, Dodgers 3.
The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing?
I got mine at Loehmann’s.