The Bay Area is in the midst of a deep recession, but some say you might not know it from attending a bar or bat mitzvah.
Just listen to Joel Nelson, who has a bird’s-eye view of Northern California party-spending trends from his perch as owner of the popular San Jose-based entertainment firm Joel Nelson Productions.
“Here’s the bottom line: Our corporate business is about half of what it’s been in the past,” Nelson said. “Where we’ve done 400 holiday events in December, we’re now doing 200.”
But he can’t see much of an effect on b’nai mitzvah. “You’re only having a bar mitzvah once for one kid, regardless of the recession, and you’ll go into your savings to make that the best event you can.”
That’s exactly what Lisa Brown of San Mateo thought when she was planning her son Brandon’s bar mitzvah. “Judaism is the most important thing for me,” said Brown, a member of Peninsula Temple Sholom in Burlingame.
“I didn’t want to look back with regret on my kid’s bar mitzvah just because it happened to be during the recession,” says Brown, whose husband’s commission-based income from software sales has fallen with the general slowdown in corporate buying.
Brown’s strategy was to figure out what aspect of the simcha was most important and to save money on the rest. This meant, for example, desktop publishing her own invitations and ordering the paper goods for the synagogue reception herself rather than through the caterers. For her evening party, she limited the guest list to family and close friends — some of whom had helped by lending party-planning expertise, baking desserts or assembling gift baskets for out-of-town guests.
Such scaling back is part of a trend, says Al Schumann of Four Seasons Caterers in Mountain View, which caters many Jewish events. “Instead of inviting the whole town, maybe people are a little more selective,” he says, adding that “people have gone with less fou-fou in terms of decorations, tablecloths, chairs.”
There’s been a change of attitude, too. “Instead of ‘Fine, we’ll take it,’ they’ll say, ‘What can we substitute?'” says Schumann.
Wendy Kleckner of Too Catering, a kosher caterer from Menlo Park, sees a greater budget consciousness, as well, even among repeat clients.
“Whereas before it was the ‘Just do it’ attitude, now it’s ‘I want you to do your magic, and let me tell you what we want to spend.’ There’s now a boundary that I wasn’t working with before,” says Kleckner, who works with families on the Peninsula and in San Francisco.
With cutbacks, showy and sometimes wasteful frills have been the first to go. Nelson says he’s seeing fewer $150 floral centerpieces and hearing fewer requests for caricaturists, tarot-card readers and henna-tattoo artists — the sorts of extras that have made the b’nai mitzvah celebration itself into a sort of caricature in the minds of many.
“The days of conspicuous consumption are long gone!” says Mill Valley party planner Sharon Stahl, whose firm, The Party People, plans celebrations mainly in Marin County and San Francisco. In clients’ attempts to scale back, she sees them “focusing on the real reason for having the celebration in the first place.”
Clergy, of course, have long focused on the spiritual meaning of b’nai mitzvah — particularly the ethical responsibilities of becoming an adult in the Jewish community. For example, at the Conservative Congregation B’nai Shalom in Walnut Creek, b’nai mitzvah parents go through an orientation and an information packet, which instruct parents on making the b’nai mitzvah a community event, donating to Mazon: the Jewish Response to Hunger, and other ways of “Putting God on the Guest List,” as a popular book calls the process.
And at Congregation Beth Am in Los Altos Hills, Cantor Kay Greenwald says the synagogue’s program for b’nai mitzvah families asks questions that parents may not have thought of before. “One conversation we have is: ‘How does my celebration reflect my Jewish values?'” she said.
B’nai mitzvah candidates, starting as early as the sixth grade, begin to hear the message: “Jewish adults do tikkun olam, and therefore you too must engage in tikkun olam.”
These messages have been fairly constant; what’s changing is that congregants — especially the adolescents themselves — seem to be listening as never before.
Says caterer Kleckner: “I see much more attention to doing a mitzvah in the context of the bar or bat mitzvah. Even though the whole thing is downsized, there’s more attention and sensitivity to the presence of the have-nots.”
She sees a trend of choosing centerpieces made of useful items that will be donated — such as canned food for the hungry, teddy bears for a pediatric ward or books for the Coalition for Jewish Literacy.
The recession may be a direct cause of this trend, says Rabbi Sydney Mintz of Reform Congregation Emanu-El in San Francisco. “I see an increase in people’s awareness of what being truly needy means. As needs become more pressing in our community, children are starting to respond to that.”
Community inclusiveness also appears to be on the rise, according to Rabbi Gordon Freeman of Congregation B’nai Shalom: “We have an increasing number of people hosting a Kiddush lunch after the service.”
Although like many rabbis, he doesn’t get involved in the private party scene, explaining that what people do on their own is up to them, he believes B’nai Shalom families try to keep the celebration modest. And Mintz and Greenwald both say more b’nai mitzvah candidates are requesting charitable gifts in lieu of or in addition to gifts for themselves.
“In the bar or bat mitzvah culture, once the ball gets rolling in terms of celebrations, there tend to be trends,” says Mintz, naturally welcoming these latest trends.
Planning a big party in times of financial hardship can add strain to an already stressful process, and local rabbis insist parents should feel no obligation to have a party. But for those who want a big simcha and can afford it, Jewish tradition offers guidance on how to do it right.
“It’s fine to celebrate as lavishly as you wish if you can afford it,” says Beth Am’s Rabbi Janet Marder, “as long as you also make a commensurate donation to charity at the same time.”
The recommended donation to Mazon, for example, is 3 percent of the cost of the party — a modern way of fulfilling the mitzvah of peah, leaving the corners of the field for the poor.
While the costs of a Jewish party can be high, recent events may hold a key to families’ willingness to pay them, suggests Ellen Bob, owner of Palo Alto’s Judaica store bob & bob.
“Among the many lessons of the past year is you never know when your time is up, and you have to enjoy life while you can,” she says. “The fact that there are still Jewish people alive, Jewish children called up to the Torah, feels like a real victory, and people are committed to embrace it.”