I joined Congregation Sha’ar Zahav in 1994 to give my two daughters a Jewish education and an opportunity to grow up with other children of gay and lesbian parents. My involvement grew steadily as I brought my girls to Hebrew school each Shabbat morning. First I joined Torah study. In a year or two, I was singing in the High Holiday Ensemble and then chairing the Kesher/Connection committee.
Every summer, Sha’ar Zahav holds a weekend “Advance” at which 50 to 75 congregation leaders meet in the country to consider issues facing the shul.
At my third Advance I met Prudence Carter, then adult education committee co-chair. We were assigned a dorm room with five other women. We’d each brought a bottle of good red wine. Having just met, we hosted a cocktail hour on the roof-deck of our dorm. For the first time in five years, I’d bumped into someone who interested me, who caught my eye.
Our values and lifestyles meshed easily. Her sense of humor and lively interest in the world were just what I needed. Prudence met and got to know my kids. We let the synagogue community know we were a couple, a revelation that repeatedly met with happy blessings.
Last year we purchased a home in the Oakland Hills, where we’ve figured out how to grow chard, arugula and abutilon. My daughters, now post-b’nai mitzvah teens, have figured out who they are in this still-new family configuration. Our congregation community supports each one of us.