The sandwich generation has morphed into the club-sandwich generation.
Middle-aged people are not simply squished between the demands of their own children and the needs of their aging parents. Many of them are also being pressed into caring for grandchildren.
That’s the thesis of Rabbi Richard Address, director of the department of Jewish Family Concerns for the Union for Reform Judaism.
Address, who spoke last weekend at the URJ regional biennial in Santa Clara as well as recently at Congregation Beth Am in Los Altos Hills, said congregations need resources not only to care for their increasingly aging membership but also to aid stressed caregivers.
“It’s a brand new life stage, that of a caregiver,” he said. “It is not voluntary, but we do it.”
Currently, he said, there are 44 million caregivers, one out of every five Americans, caring for those over 50. The typical caregiver is “a 46-year-old baby-boomer woman who works.”
But in addition, there are many people in their “60s caring for parents in their 80s and 90s and caring for children in their 30s and driving carpools for their 8-year-old grandchild.” And while the Bible commands us to honor our parents and love and treat our children well, the tasks may be more difficult than in biblical times.
For one, there are more elderly and fewer caregivers. For another, death more often follows long chronic illnesses, requiring adult children to provide more care over an extended period of time. In addition, caregivers may have fewer community resources to draw upon.
That’s why the Reform movement, which drew 265 lay and spiritual leaders from 46 congregations to its regional biennial, is putting energy into the Sacred Aging project. Under the aegis of Address’ department, the project is designed to help congregations care for the caregiver and provide resources so that their members can age with dignity.
Other topics addressed at the biennial included stem-cell research, diversity, adolescent issues and premarital education.
The three-day conference, hosted by URJ regional director Rabbi Michael Berk and co-chaired by Marlene Levenson and Donald Woolfe, drew prominent Reform movement speakers, including the UJR president, Rabbi Eric Yoffie.
Turning to aging, Address said 20 percent of the Jewish community will be 65 and older in the next 10 years.
In the Reform movement alone, he pointed out, there are 1.5 million congregants and on average, half the membership at its synagogues is over 50. That’s why the first component of the Sacred Aging project will focus on the needs of older members and their caregivers, not simply with programming but with rituals as well as hands-on help.
At Beth Am, Address suggested holding occasional prayer services to honor the caregiver. A resource booklet he handed out at the biennial provided guidelines for such a service.
While traditionally, Jews have joined synagogues to meet their lifecycle needs, today synagogues need to put an emphasis on developing ongoing relationships.
He cited Leviticus 19, which focuses on caring for people with disabilities, showing deference to the old and treating all humans with respect. Those commandments, he said, are the responsibility of a congregation as well as its members. In his talk at Beth Am, Address suggested the need for an ombudsman for aging issues.
There are also broader issues, including saving Social Security and providing more programs to aid the elderly, he said.
But “our primary focus is with congregations. … It’s where I’m taking the rest of my rabbinate — the theology of aging,” said Address, who is 60 and lives in the Philadelphia area.
“We’re changing the culture of the community and how we view older adults. You don’t have many people our age sitting on magazine covers.”