From the moment Dave got down on one knee in our Sausalito home and sent Bowie, our chocolate Lab, racing up the stairs to me with a ring tied around his neck, we knew that our wedding, like our love, would be unique.
A weekend focused only on the two of us would not reflect who we are as a couple. We fell in love through our shared passion for Judaism, the arts and civic engagement. As we began planning our Oct. 18 wedding, we knew that community would be at the heart of everything.
On our first date two years ago, we quickly connected over a mutual love of the arts. Dave’s family has been longtime supporters of the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco. Dave serves as vice chair of the Contemporary Jewish Museum and on the board of the California College of the Arts. We also discovered that we had both volunteered with ArtPoint at the Fine Arts Museums, though somehow never crossed paths.
When it came time to choose a wedding venue, an arts institution felt like the most natural place to begin our marriage.
Melissa grew up visiting museums with her dad and watching performances with her mom. She has many fond memories of the di Rosa Center for Contemporary Art in Napa. A sign in one gallery reads, “Do not touch the art, let the art touch you.” Many of the artists featured at the di Rosa are also supported by Dave’s grandmother Dorothy Saxe.
When we visited the sweeping 240-acre landscape, we learned that the di Rosa was undergoing a transition, shifting toward an events-focused model in Napa and opening a satellite location in San Francisco. After our tour of the Napa property, we met with curator of exhibitions and programs Twyla Ruby, who is Jewish. She told us, “I think having your wedding here would be an act of philanthropy.” It felt, like our love, to be bashert.
That moment moved us to action. Guided by the values of tikkun olam, we wondered if we could make our entire wedding weekend about supporting the arts and about building community.
We had plenty of plates and frying pans, so we decided to use our registry to lift up the institutions that have shaped our values. Jewish tradition teaches that acts of tzedakah should accompany life’s most significant moments, transforming personal joy into communal good. What moment could be more significant than a wedding?
We selected four organizations for donations that reflect our identities. Dave and his grandmother have long supported the Contemporary Jewish Museum. The California College of the Arts nurtures emerging creativity, and Dave’s late grandfather also served on its board. The Fine Arts Museums connect both of our families across generations. And the di Rosa, our wedding home, would be central to telling the story.
To bring the weekend to life, we drew inspiration from a tradition of co-creation that we first experienced at the Oshman Family JCC of Palo Alto’s “The Annual” fundraiser. We wrote to our guests inviting them to participate with a poem, a performance, a recipe or a handwritten note for our chuppah. They responded with incredible creativity.
Together we planned a wedding that grew into an arts festival, complete with gallery tours at the Fine Arts Museums led by Lauren Palmor, assistant curator of American art, and a private photo exhibition by artist Lucas Foglia curated by Sally Martin Katz, photography curator at the Fine Arts Museums — all of them Jewish.
We hosted a variety show featuring talented guests, and our officiant, Rabbi Sydney Mintz, surprised us with standup comedy. Our friend Vanessa Marlin of Bell and Trunk Flowers designed floral pieces inspired by the art at the di Rosa. Our cake, created by our friend Kirstin Pearson of Revelry Cakes, echoed the look of the Viola Frey sculpture. Videos telling the stories of each institution we were supporting played in art galleries throughout the weekend.
We are proud that our wedding was rooted in values and participation. Whether someone baked challah or offered a handwritten blessing, every contribution brought our weekend to life and created community. By the end of the celebration, more than 100 of our 250 guests had created something. We have heard from the museums that more than $25,000 was raised for the arts and that the di Rosa has welcomed more than 50 new members since the wedding.
Under the chuppah, we spoke about our shared commitment to the Jewish community and to tikkun olam. We promised to build a life grounded in community, creativity and service.
Throughout the weekend, we watched our guests form new friendships while exploring art together. That connection felt like the truest sign that we had built something lasting. If a wedding reflects the marriage to come, we hope ours set the right tone. We want to keep creating joy, strengthening community and letting art touch everyone around us.