WASHINGTON — Many parents might envy Susan and Howard Lax, who say their 13-year-old quadruplets have never displayed much sibling rivalry, “except for the arguments over who’s next to read a book.”
They’re all avid readers, according to their mom.
Democracy and mutual support seem to rule the roost in this Stafford, Va., home. Although each auditioned for the same stage show in the local community, they all stood behind the sibling selected for a part, and stood behind the ones rejected. “They’re individuals,” says their mom, “but they’re still a team.”
The team spirit helped Matthew, Jessica, Zachary and Danielle glide through the planning, the ceremony and the other events that surrounded their June 15 b’nai mitzvah celebration.
“It’s really special having a b’nai mitzvah with your multiples,” says Matthew. They’re “the people you know the most, spent the most time with, shared stories and gossiped with…the list goes on, the love never ends.”
The kids had a hand in designing and assembling their tallitot. Working with a local craftperson, they agreed on one bolt of fabric, but each had a different atarah or neckband. The boys went for navy highlights; the girls chose teal.
And not only did the siblings learn how to tie the tzitzit, or fringes, on the tallit, but they tied a corner fringe on each other’s tallit.
Susan and Howard also took part by wrapping the eighth and 13th knots on the corner tzitzit to represent the multiples’ brit and baby-naming ceremony at eight days old, and their age at becoming b’nai mitzvah.
During the ceremony at Temple Ner Shalom in Woodbridge, Va., the quads together read the first lines and the last lines of their Torah portion; each individually read passages in between.
“God brought them into this world together,” says their mom, explaining she wanted them to experience reading the Torah together, but also solo. (In prepared speeches, they also presented individual views on their Torah portion, Korah.)
“My favorite part about our b’nai mitzvah was when I said my aliyah,” says Jessica. “As a new adult, I felt I had been accepted into the Jewish community…I felt united with my religion.”
The quads, rather than the clergy, led the entire morning service, and invited family members and friends to the bimah to read poems, open the ark or otherwise participate in the service.
After seeing this, Susan recalls, some of the non-Jewish guests remarked that they were so moved by the warm, family-oriented experience, that they were going to talk to their own clergy about incorporating a rite of passage for children that would involve extended families and friends.
Also, the four symbolically “twinned” their b’nai mitzvah ceremony with two sets of young twins who perished in the Holocaust.
“In the weeks before the ceremony, countless people told me, ‘You can do it,'” says Zachary. “When I finally stood on the bimah on my birthday, I felt for the first time in weeks that I actually could.”
Next came the party: “The B’nai Mitzvah of Guys and Dolls,” beginning with a trolley ride over to a party room at the Riverside Dinner Theater and Conference Center in Fredricksburg, Va., where “Guys and Dolls” just happened to be on stage at the theater. And to add to the theatrical decor, the tables were embellished with original 1950s-era “Guys and Dolls” playbills and memorabilia, including 45s of the music.
All performers in their own right, the quads put together a candlelighting ceremony for the party that doubled as a contest for the guests. For “name those 13 Broadway tunes,” the multiples called guests one at a time to light a candle, while the room filled with the rhythm of a Broadway hit. The winner received an original “Guys and Dolls” soundtrack.
For months leading up to becoming b’nai mitzvah, the quads volunteered to fulfill a mitzvah project. They chose to work through the Starlight Foundation, which grants wishes to children who have long-term illnessess. For this effort, they collected videos in their school and synagogue, and they continue to collect “gently used” videos from local video stores, for use in hospitals.
“My bat mitzvah brought me closer to my family because my three siblings were becoming b’nai mitzvah with me,” says Danielle. “It’s one of those Jewish moments that are once in a lifetime events that all four of us can share and cherish together.”
“For me, their bar-bar-bat-bat was, and remains, a source of pride to the fourth power,” says Howard. “It was reflected in the glow in their eyes, the lilt of their voices and the smiles that lit up their faces.”
Adds Matthew, “The whole b’nai mitzvah became as much fun as a roller coaster.”