Perfect weddings? I’ve come to a conclusion: It’s surprises and things gone awry that give character and memories to a wedding day.
Our eldest son’s courtship and marriage were not what we envisioned. Nor was his attendance at the Air Force Academy — odd for a nice Jewish boy whose baby carriage appeared in Vietnam peace marches.
After graduation, he was off to Panama, and soon writing home about Carmen, a beautiful Panamanian woman.
Two weeks before Operation Just Cause materialized, we visited Panama and met Carmen. While doing the dishes one night, Carmen stated, “I understand that the woman Rob marries must be Jewish.” I certainly didn’t deny that fact.
Once the war was in full swing, we realized the importance of basics, like our son staying alive. After the war, Rob insisted he wouldn’t leave Panama without Carmen, an impossibility without her becoming his wife. There was no time for a conversion, but they both assured us one would happen and a Jewish wedding would follow.
A year and a conversion later, the couple arrived in the Bay Area from Illinois, where they were living, for their Jewish wedding. I suggested bride and groom be separated the night previous to the nuptials and that they not see one another until on the bimah. On a bitter cold 1990 December night, neighbors loaned our sons their empty home. Carmen stayed with us.
The next morning a phone call announced, “Mom, the pipes are frozen here. We can’t shave, shower or take care of other bodily functions. We’re coming home!”
Quickly, I grabbed a sheet and erected a makeshift mechitzah in the middle of the hallway. Between our two bathrooms, Rob and Carmen talked and giggled, but they couldn’t see one another. Their cooperation kept a slightly daft mother happy.
The ensuing ceremony at Temple Beth Jacob in Redwood City began with our daughter nervously singing “Whither Thou Goest” from the Book of Ruth. The words were apropos for Carmen, who left behind family, language, country and religion.
One surprise remained. Our cousin, Rabbi Marion Shulevitz, who spent years living in Puerto Rico, co-officiated and unexpectedly broke into Spanish. Luckily, I had a tissue up my sleeve for a weeping Carmen.
Life has continued to be blessed for this couple, now a major and his supportive wife. And we can boast about our three adorable, bilingual grandchildren.