EDISON, N.J. (JTA) — If you’re single, you’ve probably heard the saying more times than you want to remember: “Just be patient. There’s someone right for everyone.”
Let me add to that. There are probably several, maybe even several dozen, someones for everyone.
But the search becomes more difficult if you have grown up under special or unusual circumstances.
I’ve lived around the country and I’ve seen Jewish singles groups for just about everyone: Widows and widowers, single parents, Iranian Jews, young singles, those who like hiking, those who love books, etc.
But I’ve never heard of a singles group tied to one of the most defining events of the last generation: the Holocaust.
On March 21 an Edison, N.J., rabbi will hold a Friday night service geared toward singles who are children of Holocaust survivors. It is his third such service in the last six months.
The idea came out of conversations at an oneg Shabbat after a singles service at Congregation Beth El in Edison.
The congregation’s rabbi, Bernhard H. Rosenberg, himself a child of Holocaust survivors, was informally talking to some singles. They discussed how important it was to have certain basic experiences in common with a potential mate. Then, one of the women talked about how she once dated a fellow child of survivors.
She said that because of their similar backgrounds, they immediately felt comfortable with each other. It was as if a barrier had been lifted and a bond had been created.
“I personally believe that instead of always discussing the negative effect the Holocaust had on survivors’ children, it is important to stress that positive effects did emerge,” Rosenberg said.
“Children of the Holocaust developed special inner strengths and perceptions about life’s values.”
That’s why, a year ago, Rosenberg hosted a unique Friday night service and discussion on “Children of Survivors of the Holocaust: How Has it Affected Us?”
He arranged for Caroline B. Goldberg, a clinical social worker who specializes in survivors and their descendants, to be available for consultation at the event.
Why run an event specifically focused on this group?
“The answer to this question is not an easy one,” Rosenberg said. “Holocaust survivors and their children have many similar experiences. Some singles believe that people of similar backgrounds might be more sensitive and sympathetic to their unique experiences.
“As a child of Holocaust survivors, I personally understand how important it is to share what effect the Holocaust had on one’s outlook on life. Perhaps meeting those who had similar experiences might cause a special bond to develop.”
About 20 years ago, I remember talking to someone who I was told was a Holocaust survivor. As a young reporter, I wanted to know where he had been and how he had survived.
It was a brutally hot day. He wore long sleeves, hiding the number on his arm. As I asked some questions, he changed the subject and implied that he might have already been in the United States when Jews were dying in the concentration camps.
Ten years later, I attended a gathering of survivors. As soon as a few found out I was a reporter, they wouldn’t leave me alone.
“I must talk to you,” an old man said, tugging on my sleeve. “I must tell you my story and you must write it. You must know what happened to us so the world will not forget.”
Just like the survivors, their children probably need to talk. And the best people to talk to are fellow members of that second generation. There are groups devoted to children of survivors, but they don’t seem to be social. What Rosenberg is proposing is that the common experiences of the survivors’ children be used as a starting point to social relationships.