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Puberty is a bumpy road at best. But for the gay, lesbian or bisexual teenager, it can be a nightmare.

Not only is there inner turmoil but they often are confronted with hostility, anger and disappointment from family and friends.

What can the religious community do to support these teens? What about the teens with gay parents?

Can all these youths be made to feel safe in their synagogues and churches? And how can clergy maintain credibility when historically, religions have condemned homosexuality?

"We teach the traditional point of view and where Reform Judaism departs from it," said Rabbi Steven Chester of Oakland's Temple Sinai at a recent symposium titled "Healing the Hurt."

Sponsored by PFLAG (Parents Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and GLSEN (Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network), the conference brought together educators, law enforcement personnel, therapists, parents and teens. It was held at the Oakland Asian Cultural Center.

Chester shared the panel with Unitarian Universalist, Presbyterian and Catholic clergy members.

"You can't begin with teenagers," Chester said, emphasizing that messages of acceptance and inclusion need to be introduced from the time children are very young. Acknowledging the tremendous power of language, Chester talked about how his own synagogue's preschool and religious school programs pay attention to the books they use.

"We try to make sure the textbooks are sensitive to all different kinds of relationships," he added, using the example of books that refer to parents rather than mother and father. Teachers also receive sensitivity training in their in-service workshops, ensuring that the programs embrace non-traditional families. "Yes, we are making progress but can do much more."

When he hears children tell inappropriate jokes or name-call, Chester intervenes immediately

"In a synagogue we don't talk to one another like that," Chester told the sixth-grade class when he heard several children calling another child a "faggot."

Anti-gay "jokes are not tolerated," he said. "The synagogue should be a safe place for everyone."

That's a message the synagogue is trying to convey to the broader Jewish community by hosting gay outreach events, including a potluck Shabbat dinner for gay, lesbian, transsexual Jews.

Chester is glad that several gay students have come to him to speak about their sexuality. "But we have a long way to go at our temple," he said.

In Judaism, he added, only the Reform and Reconstructionist movements ordain openly gay and lesbian rabbis.

Representatives from Catholic and Presbyterian churches said what is practiced at the local level often differs from church doctrine.

"Kids know what the church has been saying and it's not a good record," said the Rev. Karen Stokes of Montclair Presbyterian Church in Oakland. Although gays and lesbians are not ordained, the More Light Movement within the clergy is committed to changing this policy.

When asked by a member of the audience why she continues to be affiliated with an organization that disapproves of homosexuality, Stokes said the religion speaks to her spiritually. She added that change can often be effected only from within, pointing out that in the United States it was men who secured the vote for women.

And, on a day-to-day level, Montclair Presbyterian functions autonomously.

All teens, regardless of their sexual orientation, are welcome and accepted in the church's youth program, and one of the leaders is bisexual. When human sexuality is taught, a representative from PFLAG attends. Stokes said many of the teens seek her out to discuss their own sexuality.

"Kids can and do bring up issues in their own lives," said Stokes. "[Our church] is a place where no one has to be afraid."

According to the Rev. Jim Schexnayder of Catholic Charities of the East Bay, the Catholic Church is going through a transition and easing up on its anti-gay position, although the progress is slow.

"We are working with Catholic parishes to be more welcoming of gays and lesbians and their families," he said. Teachers receive in-service sensitivity training, and Catholic high schools have gay-straight alliances and hold discussions on homosexuality. But a fundamental problem for the church still exists: "It's OK to be gay, but to act on it is a sin."

The Catholic Church teaches that the only acceptable relationship is heterosexual, monogamous and non-contraceptive, according to Schexnayder.

"We have no tradition around same-sex marriages or other ceremonies," he said. To navigate conflicts between church teachings and individual practices, Schexnayder talks to youths about sex in terms of spirituality and commitment rather than the specifics of a relationship.

"The church is often in trouble because it operates as if everything is simple and clearly defined," he added.

Perhaps the most liberal position was voiced by the Rev. Yielbonzie Charles Johnson, a Unitarian Universalist minister and professor at Starr King School for the Ministry in Berkeley.

Johnson, who is gay, said his church has been ordaining gays since the 1970s and that transgender men and women are studying to be ministers.

"Young people need to know that there are gay and lesbian leaders," Johnson said. "You have to be able to talk about coming-out stories publicly, otherwise the message is to keep it a secret. We're taking sexuality out of the ghetto."