Temple wins award for tackling sticky interfaith issues

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Dawn Kepler, a participant in Temple Sinai's program "Honoring Your Jewish Child's Non-Jewish Heritage," could be considered an authority on the subject.

Raised by atheist parents, for 10 years Kepler has been directing the Oakland temple's outreach committee, which deals with interfaith issues.

When Kepler converted to Judaism in her early 20s, her devoutly secular father was thrilled. He told her, "If you have to be anything, be Jewish, because they struggle with God," she recalled with a laugh.

But the question of how to impart her family's history, which Kepler describes as "nondenominational, white-bread Midwestern," became an issue after the birth of her two children.

Kepler's personal experiences prompted her to participate in the Temple Sinai program last year. An interfaith panel of synagogue members discussed positive ways to transmit non-Jewish family cultures and customs, without undermining a child's Jewish identify.

The program was one of 10 to receive a $1,000 Belin Award for "outstanding synagogue outreach programs." The award is sponsored by the Union of American Hebrew Congregations, the Reform movement's congregational arm.

The third annual award, presented late last year, also honored two programs by Lafayette's Temple Isaiah: "Solving the Mysteries of the Sanctuary," which helps congregants understand the nuances of the sanctuary, and "Bring a Friend to Hot Topics Over Hot Tea," which covers a gamut of current issues.

"Interfaith and intercultural problems aren't issues to just sweep under the rug," Kepler said, noting that many synagogues have interfaith couples as members.

Kepler, whose husband is also Jewish, doesn't need to worry about her children being the product of two different faiths. Her daughter, Elly, recently celebrated her bat mitzvah. Her 9-year-old son, Jesse, is planning to have a bar mitzvah.

The problem confronting Kepler was not explaining the traditions of Judaism to her children, but maintaining a link to her heritage. "Which is a little problematic," she said, "given my background." She feels it's important to impart to her children the oral tradition of the American Midwest, (her father was a cowboy and her mother grew up on a ranch), the family histories, even the food.

"My grandmother made a dish with cucumbers covered with buttermilk. Now, while I don't subject my children to that dish," Kepler said with a laugh, "food is an important link to tradition and culture."

Food is also highly valued by another couple who participated in the Temple Sinai program, John Citron and Felicia Liu of Walnut Creek. Liu, a Chinese-American who was raised in a "Jewish-Italian" neighborhood in New York, is a non-Jew raising Jewish children.

"It's a little easier with us, because I think that the Jewish culture and Chinese culture have a lot in common," Liu said. "Both value hard work, loyalty and a reverence for food. All big Chinese functions have to have a feast, and it's similar in Judaism."

Though Liu "didn't really grow up in a religious environment," her husband was "adamant that the children be raised Jewish, so the choice was pretty easy," she said. What she insisted on, however, was that her children be exposed to Chinese culture.

When their son, Daniel, was born, he had a brit and a Chinese Red Egg party, which ushers in fertility, good luck and prosperity. Soon he will celebrate his bar mitzvah.

Both Daniel and Rebecca, 11, have attended Hip Wah culture camp, which gives them the opportunity to be immersed in Chinese culture. Programs include lessons in Chinese calligraphy, music and language.

"I didn't grow up speaking Mandarin, so it's hard for me to impart the language to my kids," Liu said. "But it's really important that they know they're Chinese as well as Jewish."

Liu's husband actively helps the children explore their mother's heritage, while still fostering their Jewish identity.

The one sticking point in the household was the issue of Christmas trees. "I grew up with Christmas trees, and I view them more as festive than religious," Liu said. "But my husband vehemently objected to the idea."

The compromise, according to Liu, was a "scrawny little twig" that could barely stand up.

"But when John saw that pathetic tree, he just laughed and said that if I was going to bring a tree into the house, it might as well be a real one."

Sometimes, however, it's not so easy to reach a compromise.

"Childbirth can be a real deal-breaker," Kepler said. "Having a child is a biological punch to the gut."

Kepler noted the case of a non-practicing Jewish woman who agreed to raise her child in the Lutheran faith. Until he came out of her womb. "Then she insisted that her boy would be circumcised.

"It's really amazing," Kepler continued, "how attached you can get to someone you've only known for three minutes."