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NEW YORK — Planning a bar or bat mitzvah? Tired of the same old big-bash celebrations — the bands, the DJs, the theme parties? Looking for more Jewish content and a creative event?

Consider what Marty and Phyllis Flashner did earlier this year in honor of their daughter Jill's bat mitzvah at Temple Sholom in Greenwich, Conn. In addition to having Jill deliver a d'var Torah and lead the services on Shabbat, the Flashners brought in Dennis Prager, the Los Angeles-based national radio talk show host and author, as a scholar-in-residence for the weekend.

"It was a way of thanking Dennis, and introducing our community to him and his ideas," explained Marty Flashner, a tax accountant. He said that Prager, whom he had never met, has had a powerful Jewish influence on his life over the last five years, through his writings and tapes, and has made him "a serious Jew.

"I send my kids to day school, I keep kosher, I put on tefillin every morning," he said, as a direct result of Prager's combination of traditional and innovative Jewish ethics and philosophy.

Flashner says he first heard of Prager from a friend five years ago, when he was sitting shiva for his mother. He did nothing about it at the time, but within a few months, he heard his rabbi and another friend quote Prager. Curious, he subscribed to Prager's twice-monthly publication, then called Ultimate Issues (now, The Prager Perspective), which consists of a lengthy essay by Prager on a modern moral topic. Subjects have ranged from the war on tobacco, which he opposes, arguing that the anti-tobacco campaign is irresponsible and immoral, to television for kids, which he considers unhealthy. He advocates bringing home wholesome videos for the kids as an alternative.

"I became a huge fan," Flashner said, as did other members of his family, including Jill.

In preparing for Jill's bat mitzvah, Phyllis Flashner called a number of friends in Greenwich to ask how much they spent for such a simcha. "The number she kept hearing was $35,000, for these big parties," said Flashner. "That just wasn't our style."

He came up with the idea, instead, of bringing Prager as a scholar-in-residence for the weekend. "I wasn't trying to make a statement," said Flashner, "but it struck a nerve with people that this is a better way to celebrate a young person's coming of age."

He received a number of letters of thanks from congregants after the weekend. One called the experience "a special gift for the congregation," and another said, "You've shown us the best of the mitzvahs."

Sharing the expense with the synagogue, which was considerably less than that of an elaborate bar or bat mitzvah affair, Flashner asked Prager to speak three times over the weekend. He spoke Friday night on 10 reasons why he revered Judaism, on Shabbat afternoon he discussed holiness (after a luncheon in shul, to which the congregation was invited) and Sunday morning, he talked about raising good children.

And what did Jill think of all this, especially since her contemporaries were having elaborate parties?

"She's a big fan of Dennis' and was all in favor of it," Flashner said, though he acknowledged that a few months ago she had some second thoughts, sensing that the upcoming event "was less her bat mitzvah and more a Dennis Prager weekend. But then she was fine with it, and her friends seemed to enjoy it."

The Flashner's rabbi, Hillel Silverman, was thrilled with the weekend. "It could be a paradigm for future celebrations," inviting leading Jewish thinkers or musicians, "instead of having the elaborate dinner parties, boat rides and bands."

Planning a bar or bat mitzvah, he said, "is a process of education" for the parents and the children, which begins in his congregation two years before the event. At that time, he meets with families to discuss the service and the form of entertainment.

He noted that more and more young people in his synagogue are including acts of tzedakah in their simcha, from donating to a charity to collecting clothes for the poor to forgoing expensive floral arrangements and giving the proceeds to the local Jewish family service.

This is a welcome trend in many congregations, "but for some families, the parties get out of hand," the rabbi said, adding that he will not attend receptions on Shabbat unless they are held in the synagogue.

Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin, author of "Putting God On The Guest List," a book calling for infusing simchas with an element of mitzvah, said he had never heard of a scholar-in-residence at a bar or bat mitzvah. But he thought it was "a wonderful gift for the family to give to the community in an age immersed in glitz and competition."

He praised the Flashners as "educational entrepreneurs" and said in the future, families should be asking "not 'Who can top this?' but 'Who can teach this?'"

Salkin envisioned creating an agency to bring leaders of Jewish culture — actors, poets, musicians, artists and teachers — to take part in Jewish celebratory events, "to get in the trenches and touch Jews where they live."

The notion of creating Jewish role models for kids is all well and good for rabbis and many parents, but what about the children involved? A key factor in whether or not this concept catches on, said Silverman, is whether the kids themselves would approve.

"Are they willing to give up being a Yankee for a day?" or whatever theme that makes the youngster the center of attention, he wondered, adding that it requires a degree of maturity on the part of the teen. It should be noted, though, that having a party as well as an educational experience need not be an either-or situation. Families can have a scholar-in-residence and a party.

One positive sign: Marty Flashner said that as Prager was leaving the synagogue after his last talk in Greenwich on Sunday morning, his youngest child, 10-year-old Nina, ran up to Prager and asked, "Will you come back for my bat mitzvah?"