What now? That’s the question the Jewish community should be asking itself following the first spate of state-sanctioned same-sex marriages.
Religious inclusion is more than just celebrating a same-sex marriage. Once the glass has been broken and the chuppahs are put away, we cannot send these people back into the closet. We cannot thank them for the photo-op and shut the synagogue doors.
As the chair of the Santa Cruz County-based interreligious Out in Our Faith Coalition, I want to make sure that every house of worship fully accepts and includes LGBT individuals and their families. But this challenge is a double-edged sword — not only will some synagogues, churches and temples have to overcome their prejudices, but some members of the LGBT community will need to forgive us for the pain they have experienced at the hands of religious institutions.
In mid-June, the coalition provided clergy for the Santa Cruz County clerk during the first 50 civil service same-sex weddings. Participating were Jewish, Christian, Buddhist and nondenominational clergy. Some civilians were deputized to officiate, including five members of my synagogue, Temple Beth El in Aptos.
A few couples, however, opted for the county clerk to perform the ceremony instead of the assigned clergy. Clearly, they felt uncomfortable with a religious or spiritual person performing their wedding. The religious leaders were extremely disappointed and personally hurt.
I know of many gays, lesbians and queers who have come out and subsequently been rejected by religious institutions. It is a deep and profound rejection that in some cases has depressed people. In the most extreme cases, the rejection has made them suicidal. So why would they allow a religious figure to unite them as spouses for life?
A few years ago I met a gay Jewish man who left Texas after being rejected by his rabbi and congregation. He hadn’t stepped foot inside a synagogue for more than 20 years. I invited him to events at Temple Beth El. He declined. I persisted.
So he sat on the sidelines for a while to observe Temple Beth El’s commitment to LGBT inclusion. Did we really walk the talk? I am proud to say he now attends services from time to time and has made guest appearances as a speaker at our Hebrew high school program.
Persistence is what it is going to take to integrate the LGBT community fully into the Jewish community. But the ultimate goal — of my synagogue, the members of the coalition and the entire Jewish community — should be bringing people into our congregations without regard to sexual identity. Do we think twice about a heterosexual couple’s involvement with our congregations? No, we don’t.
This is the coalition’s dream for synagogues, churches and temples in Santa Cruz County and throughout the state — ultimately, a blindness to sexual preference. The coalition promotes the well-being of all faith traditions, the security of all people and their spiritual cravings, and the full inclusion and full participation of LGBT individuals and their families in our religious communities. It’s a dream, but not a fantasy.
We want all our congregants — gay or straight — to teach in our religious school classrooms, to serve on committees and boards, to assist clergy with services, to sing in our choirs, and to have their children feel safe on our playgrounds and free from ridicule. We want playgrounds to be a place where children can proudly describe and present their families.
We work in hopes of fulfilling and educating both our members and the LGBT community at large. We want them to know they are welcome to join our synagogues — and stay once the wedding is over.
This really is a very easy quest. Somehow we have made it complex. For example, this year for the first time I organized 17 clergy members from three different faiths — each were dressed in their traditional vestments and robes — to stand together on stage at Santa Cruz Pride. What an image! Can you imagine a world of such cooperation, spirit and love?
Maybe it is a naive and youthful perspective, but I can’t think of a holier way to coexist. I can’t think of a better model for the world.
Kathy Ruiz Goldenkranz lives in Aptos. She just concluded a three-year term as president of Temple Beth El/JCC in Aptos, and is a co-chair of the Out in Our Faith Coalition.