When I read the headline of Jenny Listman’s Medium piece — “When I was nineteen years old, Elie Wiesel grabbed my ass” — I decided not to click on it.
It wasn’t because of any judgment I passed on her or the veracity of her claim. But the bluntness and clarity of her headline was, in the worst of ways, transporting — or as the youth like to say, triggering.
Not having even read it, I knew I believed it, believed her. I believed that as a 19-year-old attending a Jewish fundraiser in 1989, she was fondled by the Nobel laureate and Holocaust survivor as they posed for a group photograph.
Now I’d like to clarify that I don’t think that just because I believe something, there is an obligation for news outlets like JTA to publish a story about it. We need to be thoughtful before we publish anything, especially something so serious as an allegation of unwanted sexual contact. We need to confirm certain basic facts: that the accusers are who they say they are, that they were where they claimed to be — and, when possible, get a response from the other side.
But as a woman, whenever I can, I make the choice to believe victims. I know how important it is to stand in solidarity with other women when so often our experiences are less likely to be believed. What has been especially surprising about the rise of #MeToo, the popular internet campaign that has victims of sexual assault and harassment sharing their experiences, has been the incredulous response from men. We have been telling our experiences for months and years, yet men still insist they did not know.
From my own experiences and what I’ve heard from other women, queer and non-binary people, I know just how common sexual harassment and assault are. They are carried out by strangers in the street and by men we believed in, who we thought were “good guys.” Which is why these allegations are never surprising, to me at least.
Another thing that was not surprising to me was the propensity — especially by men (and of course by some women) — to doubt Listman’s story and put her down for telling it.
Our pain, quite literally, is taken less seriously.
Even in Listman’s own tale, the response from her then-boyfriend is particularly telling: When she tells him about Wiesel squeezing her behind, he responds with incredulity. “He must have had his hand on your waist,” he says. “Are you sure?”
Women’s experiences of pain, emotional and physical, are often doubted or downgraded. Recent studies show that women are 13 to 24 percent less likely to be treated with opioids for pain than men, and that they have to wait longer to receive pain medication in emergency rooms. Our pain, quite literally, is taken less seriously.
I’ve seen people dissecting Listman’s pain and trauma, so clearly depicted in her Medium piece, in the most ungenerous of ways. They’ll say that she couldn’t have been so traumatized by an action as minor as having her butt squeezed. It seems to me just another case of us doubting women’s pain.
I worry that in reporting the onslaught of stories on sexual assault, harassment and rape, we all become accountants of pain or gravity. Stories like those of Harvey Weinstein and James Toback, of Bill O’Reilly and Terry Richardson, offer gruesome accounts of serial harassment, abuse and assault. There is wide consensus that these serial predators should get what they deserve. But if someone carries out an act of sexual assault only once, is it any less of a violation? In only reporting the “major” offenders, are we saying the isolated incidents are somehow OK?
According to a federally funded study, the prevalence of false reporting in cases of sexual assault is between 2 and 10 percent. Despite those incredibly low numbers, according to the study, survivors who come forward often “face scrutiny or encounter barriers” from investigators. You know what has a high likelihood? Women not reporting assault and men never being convicted for sexual assault.
As to the conversation about Elie Wiesel’s “legacy” — the legacies of great men and women are always more complicated than we are comfortable admitting. And the legacies of men with power are often intertwined with abuses of that power.
There is nothing “Jewish” about the scandals surrounding Weinstein or Toback, or the allegation about Elie Wiesel — except to the degree that the Jewish media claim them as members of the “community.” Theirs are stories about men in positions of power abusing the less powerful or the powerless. That’s what binds the narratives pouring forth from women on Facebook and the mainstream media. We should be able to acknowledge the legacy of a man like Wiesel without ignoring the possibility that he was flawed.
But the comments about protecting the legacy of Elie Wiesel are, intentionally or not, upholding another legacy: the legacy of believing men over women and sweeping the truths of women under the carpet.
Where is “innocent until proven guilty”? As Hillary Clinton famously said “believe the victim until she is proven wrong” . The case of Duke lacrosse players comes to mind. All these loud females screeching for their heads. They the screeches never appolgized
Where all other aspects of our Constitution and common decency have gone. Out the Liberal window.
She’s disgusting and only wants attention
“But as a woman, whenever I can, I make the choice to believe victims.”
Welcome to the nutty left’s dream world of jurisprudence: where guilt is decided not on evidence, but on the social/sexual/racial identy of accuser and victim.
” where guilt is decided not on evidence, but on the social/sexual/racial identity of accuser and victim.” Well said.
I do not like knee-jerk belief or disbelief. For that reason, I went through Listman’s article and analyzed my understanding of the different parts of it. The result is that I believe her. https://medium.com/@sherioz/a-sex-trauma-therapist-parses-jenny-listman-s-article-a43896ad9699
Then it’s because you want to believe her, not because she evidences a shred of reality. Her narcissism drips from the page. She actually believes she is destroying a Jewish icon, that she is so important and her butt squeeze such world news that history will never forgive Wiesel. Please! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! Then she paints herself as some wretched psychological wreck prepared for thirty years to kill herself? You can’t be foolish enough to believe this???
Women claiming sexual assault for purposes of revenge or social cover is not unknown. I have seen reports that it is as high as 50%. It is one reason police don’t like these cases except where proof is absolute. People lie. And people includes women.
Look at a number of recent accounts of racism that were perpetrated by the victim. Maybe it is a vast right wing conspiracy to discredit all such accounts. Or maybe it is something else. Because the people making the claims appear to be on the left.
We are fortunate to live in a country that requires evidence for criminal conviction. No such evidence is required for social conviction.
Did Ellie do it? It is possible. Is he innocent? Also possible. Absent forensic evidence (photographs, witnesses, DNA kits, etc) I’m withholding judgement.
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We also see a lot of cases of bad judgement. As in – “Yesterday I was swept off my feet. Today it looks like a mistake.” i.e. “I was raped months ago. “
If you can read Jennifer Listman’s diatribe against Wiesel and not see a
flagrant attempt to smear the man as viciously as possible, then you
won’t have a problem believing her allegation. She doesn’t wish to out
him, she wishes to destroy him. I would have easily believed her if not
for her transparent narcissism and absurd self-martyring which includes
being near suicide. Near suicide for three decades because of a butt
squeeze? And Lior, how can you so willingly and recklessly help this
fraud smear Wiesel? Because he is a man? Because you believe that any
accuser regardless of transparent agenda and unbelievable assertions
must be believed or the whole system of accusing men falls apart? You
have no right or cause to accept Listman’s assertions and diatribe at
face value. Even if he squeezed her butt, her motivation isn’t just, it
is evil on the face of it. In any case, I ask you to step off the
feminist believe-at-all-costs stance and get some common sense. How
especially freakish that a young Jewish woman works to help ruin one of
the biggest humanitarians and witnesses to the horrors of the Holocaust.
I agree with Elizabeth. To me, there is something creepy about Listman’s narcissism. If she was near suicide over an ass pat, then she had mental health issues to begin with. Sorry, but I had my butt touched many times while waitressing to help finance graduate school and while it was obnoxious, it didn’t necessitate my running to therapy. Same thing with men exposing themselves to me on the streets of Manhattan where I grew up.
So where is the photo Listman mentions of the alleged “assault?”
The whole diatribe reeks of a strong need for attention, to jump on the bandwagon and bring down any and every man they perceive offended them, even a dead one who cannot defend himself. Considering what Wiesel endured and contributed to the world, smearing him as she does to be part of the #metoo club is disgusting.
Maybe it happened. Maybe it didn’t. We can’t know that now. But there is another important issue here. The absurd idea that because someone is a concentration camp survivor or a Nobel Laureate, that he deserves some sort of deference. As the son of a concentration camp survivor I can attest to the fact that this should not bestow any special status or privilege on the person. Those people can be just as good or as evil as any other person. The only difference is that you can have a better idea of where that evil came from if the person has it. If the young lady was touched by Weisel without her permission and she needs to speak about it, then let her speak. Holocaust survivor or not. Nobel laureate or not.
How about the fact that he is not here to confirm or deny nor is there any corroborating evidence to substantiate it? common decency says not to accuse someone 30 years after an event and after the death of the accused.
So Hitler gets a pass now? Good one!
I contacted Elie through my medium and he denied doing anything of the kind.
And I believe him.
So there.
non-evidenced accusations against folks who cannot defend themselves…. and then these chicks wonder why no one wants to wife them up. But don’t worry gentlemen – we can continue to IMPORT our brides.
The fact is, she makes very serious accusations against and about someone who is unable to respond to the allegations because he is dead. If you read her full published commentary, she also makes claims about being stalked and attacked by multiple parties at different times in alleyways, as well as in more public venues. Perhaps that is why people find her account to be less than automatically credible.
The fact that many being accused of sexual harassment are Jews is something that seems to have escaped the MSM. I am sure if they were black their color would be be noted, and if they were Muslim their religion would be noted.
This is not an argument, not even a defence “But as a woman, whenever I can, I make the choice to believe victims. I know how important it is to stand in solidarity with other women when so often our experiences are less likely to be believed. ” Or should I say in other circles that “..as a Jew, whenever I can, I make the choice to believe the victims.” Both as a woman and as a Jew, I know that we experience both sexual harassment and for instance anti-Semitism differently. One person may feel it is sexual harassment, another that it is not – who is right? One may be offended or hurt by a statement and call it anti-Semitism, another not – who is right? Being a woman and Jewish, may make me more ready to believe that it is one over the other – but certainly – I have met enough people that sees everything as sexual harassment/anti-Semitism, also when it is not, to feel comfortable with the defence “But as a woman, whenever I can, I make the choice to believe victims. I know how important it is to stand in solidarity with other women when so often our experiences are less likely to be believed.” A man’s reputation is at stake, too.
Seeing as how he seemingly approvingly wrote of rape-as-recreation in Night, why would anyone be surprised?
*revenge, not recreation.
He wrote. “Not a trace of revenge.”
And you’re saying that’s better?
Wiesel had no credibility. In “Night” he claimed 10,000 Jews were killed daily in Buchenwald (he witnessed this). Official histories put the death totals at that camp at 33,000 to 55,000 for the entire war.