In order for children to develop a strong Jewish identity, it’s imperative that they be taught some basic Jewish values. While there are a great many important Jewish values to teach, here are three places to start.
First, love your neighbor as yourself.
The talmudic scholar Hillel taught, “What is hateful to you, do not do unto your neighbor.” This phrase is often referred to as the Golden Rule. In his book “Raising Jewish Children in a Contemporary World,” Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben advises parents to teach the lesson this way: Tell children that when they are unsure of how to act toward another, they should imagine how they would feel if the other acted that way toward them.
Second, join with others in improving the world.
The talmudic rabbis described the primary goal of humanity as that of tikkun olam, or repairing the world, and striving for a state of shalom , or peaceful wholeness.
Reuben encourages parents to tell children about the many famous Jews — Nobel Prize winners and other kinds of high achievers — who might have been inspired by this drive to improve the world. Explain that each of us can do our part in tikkun olam by being the best we can be — not at everything we do, of course, but just at being ourselves.
He suggests asking children, “What do you think is wrong with the world?” and making a list of answers. Then, as a family, talk about ways to address some of these problems. Select one solution and agree to work together as a family on that project, whether it be recycling, planting trees, or helping the homeless.
Third, follow the Ten Commandments.
Reuben says, teach your children about God. Show them the star-filled night sky and photos of the earth taken from the moon. This will help them to see how small humans really are compared to the vastness of the cosmos. Point out the presence of God in a sunny day, a thunderstorm, a falling leaf, a kind gesture from a stranger.
Teach them about idolatry, the danger of excesses of all kinds, including materialism. Talk about the importance of integrity, about the importance of balancing work and play, of respecting oneself and others, and their belongings. Finally, help your children learn to appreciate and be content with what they have.
In his book, Reuben devotes almost an entire chapter to the Ten Commandments, with some excellent suggestions on making them meaningful to youngsters.
Recommended reading for parents:
Abrams, Rabbi Judith and Dr. Steven, “Jewish Parenting: Rabbinic Insights,” Jason Aronson, 1994.
Artson, Rabbi Bradley Shavit. “It’s a Mitzvah! Step-by-Step to Jewish Living,” Behrman House, 1995.
Danan, Julie Hilton, “The Jewish Parents’ Almanac,” Jason Aronson, 1994.
Donin, Rabbi Hayim Halevy, “To Raise a Jewish Child,” Basic Books, 1977.
Dosick, Rabbi Wayne, “Golden Rules: The Ten Ethical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children,” HarperSanFrancisco, 1996.
Gordis, Rabbi Daniel, “God Was Not in the Fire: The Search for a Spiritual Judaism,” Scribner Books, 1995.
Grishaver, Joel Lurie, “40 Things You Can Do To Save the Jewish People,”, Jason Aronson, 1994.
Lipsitz, Gail Josephson, “Practical Parenting: A Jewish Perspective,” KTAV Publishing, 1997.
Reuben, Rabbi Steven Carr, “Raising Jewish Children in a Contemporary World,” Prima Publishing, 1992.
Reuben, Rabbi Steven Carr, “Children Of Character: A Parent’s Guide,” Canter & Associates Inc., 1997.
Twerski, Rabbi Abraham and Schwartz, Ursula, “Positive Parenting: Developing Your Child’s Potential,” Mesorah Publications, 1996.
Wolfson, Ron, “Art of Jewish Living” series, New York: Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs.