The struggle between Jews and Arabs may strike close to home for some. But for one San Francisco woman, it goes even deeper than that.
Shoshana Hebshi, 26, works as a copy editor for the Jewish Bulletin. She’s also the daughter of a Jewish mother and an Arab father.
That dual ancestry is the subject of a moving essay Hebshi wrote for “Bare Your Soul: The Thinking Girl’s Guide to Enlightenment,” a bracing collection of essays newly published by Seal Press’s Live Girls series. The book’s essayists reflect an array of diverse spiritual pathways, from surviving Catholic girlhood traumas to rediscovering a lost Hindu heritage to practicing yoga in a post-9/11 world.
In Hebshi’s essay, the author describes the long-running inner conflict between her Jewish and Islamic heritages.
“Writing the essay was completely cathartic,” says Hebshi. “As I wrote it, I kept finding out new things.”
As recounted in the essay, Hebshi’s father, an emigre from Saudi Arabia, rejected the Islam of his forebears, replacing it with a strident left-wing atheism. Following a bitter divorce, Hebshi’s mother raised her children using Judaism as a cultural and religious backbone.
Under the strong influence of her maternal grandfather, Hebshi grew up steeped in Jewish life. “My grandpa was an old-school Jewish patriarch,” recalls Hebshi. “He wanted his children and grandchildren to carry on his Jewish legacy, and he worried that his Judaism would die with him.”
As a girl, she attended Orthodox and Conservative day schools and celebrated a bat mitzvah, but little of her Jewish education stuck. “It was very oppressive,” she remembers. “Worst of all was the conformity expected of me, to fit in with a specific Jewish mold. But I felt different because of economic factors, class factors and because my dad was different.”
Hebshi carried those uncertainties into adulthood. A turning point occurred a few years ago, however, when she, along with her father and brother, visited Saudi Arabia for the first time to meet her relatives. “I’d never been drawn to Islam,” she says, “but I love Arabic culture, Arabic music.”
As recounted in her essay, while in Mecca she got to know her father’s side of the family, praying with them at the great mosque, sharing meals and discovering the Arabic side of her background. Although she found the culture stifling and the religion oppressive, she did grow to love her family.
“On our last night in Saudi Arabia, my brother and I had a joint party with our male and female cousins,” she recalls. “It was the first [dual-gender] party they ever had together, 10 of us in one room, laughing, belly-dancing and having a good time together. Our presence enabled them to have this experience.”
Professionally,. since graduating from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, with a bachelor’s degree in journalism, Hebshi embarked on a journalistic career including stints as a reporter and editor at newspapers in Marin, Santa Maria, San Diego and Berkeley.
Yet the inner conflicts continued. When she came across a call for submissions for the book, the writer in her felt immediately intrigued.
“They were looking for pieces about spirituality today, and how it affects women in the post-feminist era. I had never thought much about spirituality. God was so intangible, and I thought religion had no place for me. This was an opportunity to branch out a little bit.”
Through writing, she began the painful process of reconciliation. “This essay has allowed me to talk to my family in ways I never could before,” she says.
Adds Angela Watrous, editor of the book, “I had never met anyone who felt torn between Islam and Judaism. Shoshana’s essay is unique in that regard. She is a part of two strong, intertwined cultures, both with deeply held religious beliefs. Add to that the fact that she is a young American woman with all the choices and options she has.”
Says Hebshi, “My whole life has been about tension!”
Working at the Bulletin has done much to help her reconnect with her Jewishness. “I do want to keep alive the traditions and holidays,” she says. “My husband is half-Jewish, and I’m waiting for a nod from him that he wants to explore his Jewish side. I also want to learn more about the Arab world. I’d love to live in Israel and explore both sides there.”
Ultimately, Hebshi hopes readers will gain new insights from her essay. “I want people to understand how hard it is to tell family members that you want to live differently than they have lived,” she says. “I’m still going through it.”